First step for woman kind…..

I am not sure if I can explain this or not.  I’m sure it will seem like I’m giving in or simply not accepting the truth.  While I was packing, getting everything ready to move, TH tells me that he is going to stay in the house.  I was thrilled actually because I knew I wasn’t going to get everything packed in time.  I was worried about storage fees or simply leaving my stuff in the basement where GG’s older dog will have accidents, so call it lazy on my part, but I was glad.  Now here’s the part that you all will think I am not accepting the truth.   I know in my heart that I love TH but I also know that I can’t live that way.  I did it before and I WILL NOT do it again.  TH went for about a week without drinking, but towards the last week before I left he was still going to the legion.  Yeah, it baffles my mind that after all I said to him trying to explain my situation and he continued to do it.  I know it’s the disease but at what point is his rock bottom?  He was down and depressed and honestly it was hard as hell being in the house, trying to pack and talk to K about our plans while he is being all sad and looking like a puppy getting ready to be put to sleep.  I guess while trying to explain it to him and his parents I convinced them as well as me that I simply am moving here to get a higher paying job to pay bills but not “leaving” TH.  I also made it clear that he needs to get “healthy” which means sober.  It’s like they all understand what I am saying but no one understands why I have to leave.   His parents have been married for over 50 years and they are total old school.  They believe you stay in a marriage NO MATTER WHAT.  Even though they did not say that to me, I know that’s how they think.   I, on the other hand, do not believe that.   If both parties are trying…sure, that is the way to go, but when it’s one person trying to do everything and the other is continually ignoring the problems, it’s time to get out of Dodge, especially when you have “been there and done that”.

So, that leaves me to finishing packing and moving.   It’s funny that I came across a wedding album and there was nothing written in it.  I was saving it for when we had our actual wedding.  We got married at the court house and since he is Catholic we were waiting for my annulment from my first marriage to go through, and then we never had the money to do anything.  So there it was blank and just waiting for some happy couple to write down all there memories from the joyous yet expensive day!  Arie, want me to send it to ya???

My brother, God love him, got a Uhaul and brought his son, best friend and wife to help get me moved.  My sister was there, her husband and daughter.   My nephew from another brother and his wife came a little later.  It was like a mini reunion.  My niece cried, which really surprised me, she kept calling me a bitch for leaving…she was joking and understood but didnt’ want to see me leave.  (just to clarify she didn’t call me a bitch to be mean, you know how you call someone something like that and you don’t mean it but you say it to show how much you don’t want them to leave??? it was like that).   TH was not there, he went to his parents house and said he couldn’t be there when I left, it was too hard on him.  We stopped in Winchester, VA for lunch and headed on to my new home.  We got here a little after 9pm.  Unloaded and my brother returned the Uhaul.  The next several days was me unpacking.  I’m still trying to get things organized.  My nephew had a flat screen tv that he wasn’t using so I have that in my room, just need to get it hooked up to cable.  My sister in law took K to Kohl’s to get school clothes.  She had a coupon and bought her a lot of stuff.

There’s a point where I feel like a moocher.  I hate it, I hate not having any money, or at least any money that I can contribute for bills, food, etc.  Everyone is really nice, they are sad that I have to do this but very supportive.  So, with all that support and I am very thankful by the way, wouldn’t you do the same thing?  How can you not see that me moving here and getting out of a situation that is bringing me down and causing so much stress is the right thing to do?   As long as I am here I am ok, but since Thanksgiving was so close I had to go back home for a few days.   I was invited to my sister in laws family’s house but decided to go back to MD.  I told K she could have a sleep over on Saturday and TH’s cousin had a reception that I wanted to go to.  I spent the holiday at his parents and everyone was cool.  The reception went well and we had a good time.  TH continued to go to the legion, he drank at the reception…very much so I might add and continued on as if nothing was wrong at all.  When I was trying to decide if I was going to drive to MD  for the holiday or stay here in VA, TH kept saying he would give me money if I needed something.  I got there and he didn’t have any food, but yet he went to the legion, he didn’t ask if I needed money to get some school supplies for K, but he went to the legion., I ran to the store and purchased a few supplies for the girls sleepover, but he never gave me any money. On Sunday he asked ME if I had any cash so HE could get cigarettes.  It almost makes me laugh as I am typing it.  I am only telling you all this because I guess I’m assuring you as well as me that I know it’s wrong and it shouldn’t be like that .  It’s just a matter of how long am I going to put up with it.  I made the first move, the rest will fall into place.

I guess I’m just one big mess and full of emotions.  I’ll be glad when I can blog about my boring life and silly topics again.

I applied at GEICO.  I figured since I had worked there before and had my MD license  that it would be fairly easy to get a job there.  I applied for the Sales position.  I worked in claims the first time but thought sales might be cool.  I remember hearing how the sales dept was a lot of fun, very loud and they gave a lot of GEICO stuff for incentives for selling. Plus I thought it would be nice to know how the different dept’s run, to know more about the company.   I have sold policies for a long time and knew I could do it.  I had 3 interviews in 3 days and felt I answered everything the right way and even passed a few tests they had.  The only thing I didn’t have experience in was the goals and competitive atmosphere that the manager told me was in that department.  Well, yesterday I got the email that says I was not selected.   I was devastated and shocked.  I really thought I had it.  So, I spent the night all bummed and trying to figure out what to do.  The email states that you have to wait 6 months before applying again.  I emailed GEICO and asked if that was for the Sales position only or if I could apply for the claims position now.  If it’s only for the sales position then I will go in and apply for the claims rep position and start again.  I hate interviewing but will do it and hopefully this time it will work! Also, I have to start looking in the want ads.  Something will turn up, I just have to be patient.

So, that is what is going on with me.  A lot of different emotions going on but knowing what I’m shooting for always helps.

Keep on, Keep’in on!!!

xoxoxo

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